Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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