Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
