I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
