I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
