as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
