i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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