The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
