I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize