i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
