Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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