I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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