Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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