I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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