Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
