Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
