Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
