I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
