I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
