the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
