oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
