I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
