You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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