Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
