is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.