you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.