my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.