O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
