I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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