A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
