census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
