I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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