South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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