I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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