omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
as a side note pls kill me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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