im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
