I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Non-Jews are for practice
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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