You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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