Cold hands, warm shart.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
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