I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
