yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
