Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
