i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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