I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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