We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
