Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
