cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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