Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
