After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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