I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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