i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
