I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
