I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
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