I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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