tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
