I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i came on her dog
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
