I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
