do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
