someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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