I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
