She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize