Don't make out with my wife yet
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
