BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
