it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she looked like the before picture.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love having hate sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
