I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
