She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize