I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize