You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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