I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
