Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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