my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I did not marry a roomba.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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