he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
