my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
