how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I need to stop coming to work sober
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
