Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
